A mind at rest

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Can I ask you something? How are you doing? If you did an emotional inventory, like a soul scan, how are you really doing? Okay, I’ll start. For 18 days I was locked alone in a room with a madwoman who shouted fear and strange thoughts. Well actually, the madwoman was me and this was before the stay at home mandate. I was trapped behind a rolling walker for 4 weeks as my hip healed post surgery. During that time, I came to the realization that my soul wasn’t at rest and I am not as brave as I want to be. There! I said it! I want to be fearless and have peace. I think a lot of us feel this way. That’s why I created, Songs of my Soul. Because it’s not about what I want to do but how I want to be. It’s about the condition of my soul. 

Latest trends tell us it’s okay to be vulnerable but we still pull back to protect ourselves. Dependent on the emotional pain, we choose a veil like an array of filters. I’m not immune to this. So when the peace thief struck I found myself slumped against a wall of fear crying out to God, alone and having a sloppy cry. Um, not exactly like the fearless, faith-filled leader that I had created. Don’t get me wrong. God showed up really big but I’ve worn a trail from the valley to the mountaintop countless times. 

In our society, we place high value on what we do as the definition of who we are. So, being a productive member of society meant I spent a lot of time in the doing until my body broke. Two years ago, I had attempted taking a writing sabbatical and two broken teeth later (for another post), with 3 major surgeries in 6 months (really, another time), and some severe rejection (my kryptonite), left me wondering if this was the physical toll I paid for cumulative stress. For my entire adult life, I had pushed my physical body like a cruel taskmaster until it could go no more.

As I shuffled in my pink slippers behind Wanda the Walker, I learned economy of physical movement. I was desperate for fresh air and doing my morning study on the patio. How could I carry it all in less trips? I began to think about what I essentially needed and wanted, restricted by what I could carry. Wanda violently shook under the weight of a reusable plastic bag while gem stickers flew like shooting stars with each swing against my blinged out Wanda.

I was determined to not waste the painful experiences. While my body’s movements were constrained and awkward, my spirit was free to create. My life evolved into a graceful expression of love, faith, and compassion. What if with as much care as you focus on your body and exercise, you gave even greater care to your soul? Your soul saturated in peace embraces the stillness and a mind at rest starts to accept receiving versus doing. Receive God’s peace. I’m here to tell you, take this time to stay at home and create a place for your soul to flourish.

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